Each and every year, millions of Irish, Irish-ish and amateur alcoholics are needlessly distracted from their Holy Tradition of drinking themselves into a stupor in the name of Saint Patrick, a Roman Briton slave holding the dubious honour of bringing Christianity to an island that would use it as another convenient excuse to blatter the hell out of each other for centuries.

The source of this terrible distraction?

An onslaught of half-hearted, dyed-green references to St. Patrick's Day as St. Patty's Day.

It eats at them; it makes them angry; it makes them want to fight… you know, more.

It's Paddy, not Patty. Ever.

Paddy's Day? Great.

St. Pat's? Sure.

St. Patty? No, ye goat!

Paddy is derived from the Irish, Pádraig, hence those mysterious, emerald Ds.

Patty is a burger, or diminutive of Patricia, or something you do with cakes.

Acceptable wee versions

  • Paddy
  • Pat
  • Packie
  • Podge
  • Pád
  • Pod

Unacceptable eejit versions

  • Patty

Banter on the Twitternets

Do your Irish great-great-grand-uncle proud and let these eejits know that it's Paddy, not Patty…